Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Famous quotes on Sex
My girlfriend always laughs during sex --no matter what she's reading.
Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen
Lord, grant me chastity and continence... but not yet.
St. Augustine
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Tom Clancy
You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither.
Steve Martin
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Woody Allen
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Rodney Dangerfield
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.
Lynn Lavner
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.
George Burns
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
Sharon Stone
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
Robert De Niro
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
Dustin Hoffman
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Woody Allen
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Aldous Huxley
Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?
George Carlin
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain
One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
Jane Austen
Sex concentrates on what is on the outside of the individual. It's funny because I think it's better inside.
Alex Walsh
When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
Frederike Ryder
Friday, September 7, 2007
Jocks VS Nerds
Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415/hour more than minimum wage.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX
($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
He'll make about $19.60 while watching the
100-meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. Past presidents for all of their terms combined.
Amazing isn't it?
However... If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 500 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has at this very moment.
Game over. Nerd wins
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415/hour more than minimum wage.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX
($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
He'll make about $19.60 while watching the
100-meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. Past presidents for all of their terms combined.
Amazing isn't it?
However... If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 500 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has at this very moment.
Game over. Nerd wins
The Farmer's Lovely Widow
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's
minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got
caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and
asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the
night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all
to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the
two men found their way to the
barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared,
and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that
it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out,
"I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your
name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me
everything."
minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got
caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and
asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the
night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all
to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the
two men found their way to the
barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared,
and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that
it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out,
"I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your
name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me
everything."
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