Wednesday, November 21, 2007


In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:


60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

What Color Are You? I am...

What color is your soul painted?

Brown

Your soul is painted the color brown, which embodies the characteristics of calmness, depth, nature, stability, tradition, poverty, roughness, down-to-earth, uncertainty, and neutrality. Brown is the color of the element Earth, and represents soil and, to a lesser degree, fertility of the Earth.

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz

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Quizzes and Personality Tests

Thursday, November 8, 2007

How the Fight Started


I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?


Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!" So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"


. . . and that's when the fight started .

Yep, in my Mailbox, for sure!

Dear All

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past
year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about cockroach
eggs in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with
every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.

I no longer have a lot of savings because I gave it to a sick
girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th
time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program ......

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7
million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer
who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it
can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gas without taking a man along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore and Uzbekistan .

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my ass.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I
found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a
sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at
5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend
of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual
activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

My Dogs Live Here

MY DOGS LIVE HERE

My dogs live here, they're here to stay.
If you don't like pets, be on your way.
They share my home, my food, my space
This is their home, this is their place.

You will find dog hair on the floor,
they will alert you're at the door.
They may request a little pat,
a simple "no" will settle that.

It gripes me when I hear you say
"just how is it you live this way?
they smell, they shed, they're in the way.."
WHO ASKED YOU? is all I can say...

They love me more than anyone,
my voice is like the rising sun,
they merely have to hear me say
"C'mon girls, time to go and play"!

Then tails wag and faces grin,
they bounce and hop and make a din.
They never say "no time for you",
they're always there, to GO and DO.

And if I'm sad? They're by my side
and if I'm mad? they circle wide
and if I laugh, they laugh with me
they understand, they always see.

So once again, I say to you
come visit me, but know this too..

My dogs live here, they're here to stay.
you don't like pets, be on your way.
they share my home, my food, my space
this is their home, this is their place..
------------ Author Unknown

Saturday, November 3, 2007

The Hunter

The HUNTER & The Cook

A man kills a 'deer' and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is,
but will give them a clue and let them guess.
Mmmmmmmmmmm Good !!
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates,
so begged their dad for the clue.
Well' the father said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes.'
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
'The little girl screams, 'Don't eat it....
it's 'an asshole