Monday, February 23, 2009

I Wanna Go, Too!

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell
from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home & and he was
well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; then
he then followed me into my house & slowly walked down the hall,
curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and
resumed his spot in the hall; and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious, I penned a
note and attached it to his collar :
" I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet
dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog
comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned
to his collar:
"He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's
trying to catch up on his sleep. May I come with him tomorrow and get
some sleep too?"

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Seven Kinds of Sex


Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.


The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time,
and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The
3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called
Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone *.

And; Last, but not least, The
7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month.
But not enough to enjoy yourself.


PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.


I have enough problems of my own
.

Still Horny

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Just to be Safe

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I ease my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully, get out of the car and open the trunk. I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers..
To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy.

It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

"What's going on here?"

"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.

"Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"

I couldn't believe that he didn't know.

So I told him, "Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers!

Do Bathing Suits Need Instructions??